Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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