just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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