I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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