i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
