This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
