What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
