Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
