How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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