Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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