He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
