I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I smell like Dick and happiness
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
