I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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