Whod you bang
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
