I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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