I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
