I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
