Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
