I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
