I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
