Define "chronic" masturbator.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
