you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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