you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
