Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
