I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
