dude i'm inner monologue high
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
