this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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