can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
