i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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