We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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