I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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