there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize