I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize