i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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