ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
