i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
