yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
