just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
