i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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