I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
