Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
