Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize