Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
