I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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