I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
