Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
