I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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