he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
