i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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