Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
