is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My cat gives me a boner
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
