clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
