ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
