the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
