I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Blood and glitter go together right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
