you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
