so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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