Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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