did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
