I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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