I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
