Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
