So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize