a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
