This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
