we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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