who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
