Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
