Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
