I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is wine microwaveable?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
