He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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