it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize