My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
