we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
