a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
