how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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