Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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