If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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