I think my vagina is haunted
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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