Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
