the condom got lost in my hair
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
