I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
