maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
