So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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