apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
