Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
