I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
